The Darkest Timeline is a myth, a bed time story, a shadow in the corner. The Darkest Timeline doesn't exist. This website doesn't exist. Perhaps you don't exist. Do you hear the doubt in the back of your head? That's the sound of The Darkest Timeline.

Call us if you have an audience that needs to be soothed or stirred. The sooner we embrace the fact that this is the darkest timeline, the sooner we can reclaim our lives.


​7141 Wisconsin Ave, Bethesda, MD 20814


Bar Nine - 5 PM

Upcoming Shows

​300 W 116th St, New York, NY 10026

​94 Avenue A, New York, NY 10009



Official Website

Silvana NYC - 6 PM

SideWalk Cafe - 10 PM

807 9th Ave, New York, NY 10019​


“Hot… Hot, hot, hot.”

​The Way Station - 8 PM

“You’re the center slice of a square cheese pizza. Actually, that sounds delicious. I’m the center slice of a square cheese pizza. You’re Jim Belushi.”

Teavolve Cafe & Lounge - 8 PM​


Villain & Saint - 9 PM


Goatee image is not the property of The Darkest Timeline Band, but was taken from the Community Wikia page.

​1401 Aliceanna St, Baltimore, MD 21231


683 Washington Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11238

The Darkest Timeline