The Darkest Timeline is a myth, a bed time story, a shadow in the corner. The Darkest Timeline doesn't exist. This website doesn't exist. Perhaps you don't exist. Do you hear the doubt in the back of your head? That's the sound of The Darkest Timeline.

Call us if you have an audience that needs to be soothed or stirred. The sooner we embrace the fact that this is the darkest timeline, the sooner we can reclaim our lives.

“Hot… Hot, hot, hot.”

Goatee image is not the property of The Darkest Timeline Band, but was taken from the Community Wikia page.


​196 Allen St, New York, NY 10002

Rockwood Music Hall Stage 1 - 7 PM


Bar Chord - 9 PM


​465 Seneca Ave, Ridgewood, NY 11385​​​​​

8642 Colesville Rd, Silver Spring, MD 20910

7301 Calhoun Pl #600, Derwood, MD 20855​






The Darkest Timeline

Record Exchange (Faux Folk Fair 7) - 8 PM 


1008 Cortelyou Rd, Brooklyn, NY 11218

2271 Adam Clayton Powell Jr Blvd, New York, NY 10030​​​​​

“You’re the center slice of a square cheese pizza. Actually, that sounds delicious. I’m the center slice of a square cheese pizza. You’re Jim Belushi.”

Upcoming Shows

Official Website

317 E Houston St, New York, NY 10002​


Artery House Concert - 6 PM


1008 Cortelyou Rd, Brooklyn, NY 11218